Chapter 10, Neither Gods Nor Devils
2 Corinthians 5:15, “And He died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for Him who for their sake was died and was raised.”
I have been thinking about this verse for quite a while now. It has become so meaningful to me because it communicates hope to be free from self consciousness and selfishness. Jesus died to save me from living for myself. I can be free from insecurity, always fearing what others think about me and hoping I am good enough. And, I can be free from living for men who are neither gods nor devils. Men are real people with stories and real pain.
It seems like I have often wanted to blame my sins and struggles on others or circumstances outside of myself and beyond my control. My father had bi-polar disorder. I labeled him a devil. I had myself convinced that he was the problem in our family and the reason behind many of my sins. If my father had been “normal” I believed I wouldn't have struggled with my temper, self image, or fear. I was really a great girl trapped with a messed up dad. Women work hard and hold things together. Bad men are lazy and mean and we would fare better without them. Someday my life would be different. I would not marry a devil.
Flip flop to college and meeting my wonderful husband, Alex Brodine. He was a dream come true and I made him a god. Now I would be a “good wife” and have a “good family”. Now I would be valuable because a god loved me. It only took a short time to crash against the rocks of reality. Alex is a man. I am a woman. My temper didn't lay down and die on the day I married Alex. My fears didn't magically dissipate in my knight's presence. My self image wasn't healed the day I became Mrs. Brodine. I am still me. Jesus loves me. He died to free me from myself.
Chapter 11, Eating From the Wrong Tree
Don't you wish Eve wouldn't have listened to the serpent? I've tried to convince myself that I would've made a better choice. But, down in my heart I know that I wouldn't have. I too think I can handle knowledge and power. I would rather know and choose for myself than trust and obey. Too many times I try to play God in my home. But, there is only one omniscient and omnipotent one. And, He is trustworthy. He has a plan. I don't know everything and I certainly cannot make everyone do what I think they should do. Phew! That's a load off.
This chapter probes the emotional health of my relationships. How much do I need to know? Why do I need to know? What do I do with what I know? When was the last time I put myself in charge of fixing his/her problem?
On page 210 Beth writes, “I believe our greatest challenge as women is to avoid trying to control someone toward what we're genuinely convinced is a better life. The more insecure we are, the more tempting it is because something is in it for us, too. In other words, if my loved one would ________________________, then I'd be ____________________. The more blanks you can fill in, the more conditional your security and the more it is associated with flesh and blood.”
I've wanted to be a “good wife” and a “good mother”. This is egocentric and self centered. I have believed that some of my job as a mother was to force obedience. My image has been wrapped up in the behavior and appearance of my children. Too often my discipline has been about me and not about the good of my children. God is redirecting me to love. He wants me to rest in His love for me. And, to rest in His love for my children. My value is not based on my performance as a wife and mother. It is because of His love for me and His love for His son.
Beth, I really appreciated your transparency and the way you shared your own journey. I especially appreciated the last paragraph. I can identify with your thoughts on being a good wife and mother.
ReplyDeleteThe stories from the men were interesting, but just as I thought I was such a secure woman, I tend think my husband is one of the most secure men. (I’ll leave that to him and God to deal with.) The best line from chapter 11 was on page 200: “We are bereft of clear vision toward man—or woman—until we look up steadfastly at our wise and one and only Savior.”
Chapter 11 shed a lot of light for me on control issues (mine and others). Of course we feel more secure when our environment is in control…hence our desire to be in control. But we are not in control. Has there ever been a truer statement? Beth’s idea of us wanting to be omnipotent and omniscience was so interesting and right on. I find that I often want to know too much or at least act as if I know it all. What a relief that God often shields us from things that would be too heavy for us to bear.
Beth,
ReplyDeleteLet me first say Congrats on your new beloved baby girl. :)
I really appreciate your comments on all levels. Great insight.
:) Mandy King
I am always so late to post:)
ReplyDeleteThank you Beth for starting this discussion.
I am so with you about Eve...I know I would have made the better choice:) I try not to think of myself as a control freak, but more often then not it creeps in and takes over. Many times I want to "know" too much. God knows what we should know and be able to handle.
I can really relate to the good wife and mother comment. When in in-laws & parents or friends are visiting I am so patient with my boys and use a calm voice. When I'm alone, well let's just say the yeller in me comes out! I need to remember that God is always there so someone is always watching to my behavior is the same no matter what:)
God never gives us more than we can handle rings so true in these chapters. I found myself lost in memories of when I begged to know more, only to find out that I couldn't handle it. I often wondered if Jesus knew me so well, why would he keep a secret from me...now it makes perfect sense. It's not that he knows me, it's that he KNOWS me. He allows me to see what I need to, then takes care of the rest for me. He prepares me for what is to come and what might not be. What I need to do in turn is KNOW my Jesus is never going to give me more than I can handle. That's His promise that I need to cling to and stop trying to take control in that way.
ReplyDeleteYes Beth, I'm with you completely. I am so afraid of how my children's behavior reflecting on me as a mother. It's hard not to think, I must be a 'bad' mom because my children are unhappy.
ReplyDeleteYes Laura, I'm with you completely. I tend to be softer around strangers that I am when I'm home with the kiddos.
Yes Cristina, I'm with you completely. I am not in control and will never be. It's hard to let go of control.
I had an example to share about chapter 11. On page 214, middle of the page, Beth says, "When we try to do God's job, we get in God's way."
ReplyDeleteMany years ago, we lived in a college neighborhood that was experiencing a variety of illegal activities. Besides the normal college stuff, there was also rumors of drug manufacturing, selling, and even prostitution in our alley. So, I, in an effort to help out the cops, would keep our yard and garage lights on all night. After a couple days, I had a visit from a cop. He asked me to turn out my lights at night. He explained that there was so much light in our alley, that he was unable to hid in the shadows as he was investigating what was going on. DUH! I didn't think of that. Here I was, just trying to help, and really just getting in their way.