Chapter 12 Through the Eyes of the Guys
I have always known that insecurity was one of my biggest weaknesses. Maybe not on how I looked but my constant obsession on what people are thinking about me.
Well, as I sit at the computer to write this week’s blog I have several thoughts going through my head. Most of them ironically are about what the people reading it will think about what I have to say. Will you like it? Will what I have to say challenge you? Even dare I ask “impress you”? You know I want to come across as an intelligent spiritually mature person. And, that my friend, is the very reason why I am personally reading this book. Because the devil keeps gnawing at me that it is all about ME! What do you think of ME? Would you like to hang out with ME? And the list can go on and on and well…. You get the picture. I am constantly concerned about what people are thinking about ME! Truth be told I have a hard long list of things I need to work on and change about myself (yes, an actual list). Things like be more gentle and love everyone no matter how annoying they can be. Well those are all great things, however, I can not work on them until I can love and accept myself the way God does. It’s just that plain and simple.
All my life I have desperately wanted and needed the interest and attention of men. Clothes, hair, makeup, teasing, flirting, inappropriate relationships, trying to be more quiet and gentle, bashing other girls, even acting like I didn’t care what anybody thought about me… All were ways I tried to impress the opposite sex. Rarely (if ever) did it work. I was left with wounds and damage that nobody but Jesus could heal. Little did I know (and I am still working on) that the very things I was trying to do to impress them, they were onto me and I was doing the complete opposite of my original intentions. “Insecurities repel men.”
Why do we put so much emphasis on what they think of us? Why do we try so hard and put so much effort into their approval? My logic knows the answer and it is just not communicating with my heart. It is a constant battle. And like many of the men Beth talks about in this chapter, my husband hates it too. My husband’s number one desire for me is to stop being so hard on myself. Stop assuming that what people think of me is the worst. This is not what I want for myself and this is not what my husband needs to be worrying about either. I have got to put this behind me now. It is not about ME. It is about the love of our Savior and His approval. How HE sees our greatest qualities. How HE chooses to throw away our faults. He is jealous for me. Loves like a hurricane; I am a tree bending beneath the waves of His wind and mercy. Oh, how HE loves us!
Do you know that everyone who has written a post has said in the email, "I hope this is okay"? I have loved this book blog so much and we still have a few more chapters to go! Yea! Thanks for writing and staying with this study!
ReplyDeleteThanks Mary!!! This was exactly true for me!! Love what you said about your husband. I really need to remember that he doesnt need to think about my insecurities with everything else that he deals with!! I need to get over MYSELF!
ReplyDeleteMary, thank you for your candid honesty about this chapter. I have been there, too. It's ironic that we do all these crazy insecure things to attract attention, but it actually repels! We have the power to choose...to choose healing and discover authentic security. So this chapter goes back to the chapter on roots. Where does this insecurity come from?
ReplyDeleteWhen Beth said "the more skin they show, the more insecure they are," I thought of a neighbor lady. She always wears short and tight clothing. It made me feel sorry for her! My husband and I were talking about her one day, and without me bringing up the subject of clothing, he said he appreciates that I dress modestly...not like this neighbor lady! It's true...men want a secure woman with self respect and dignity! And covering our bodies is a huge way we claim our dignity! Cover up, girls! Our value is not tied to our sensuality. We are more valuable than that!!!
Amen Cristina!
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written Mary. Thanks for your honesty and also for revealing how God is claiming you as His own.
ReplyDeleteAll I have to say is DITTO for this post. Amazing and so true. Ive also come to the realization that all my relationships arent about ME, its about what Jesus can do through me and until I get past my hang ups, He really cant do His job until I get over myself.
ReplyDeleteP.s. Mary...we have to meet. Everyone keeps telling me that we have much in common. Aka Savannah L says so too! :-)
I was really intrigued with this chapter. Especially the last page. I tend to give guys the benefit of the doubt, mostly because I see how they get treated by my fellow girls. I figured they could tell some of the signs of insecurity, but had NO idea they could read us like a book. And it makes perfect sense. Why else would God make man and woman compatible?
ReplyDeletethe other thing that just really hit me is every year I teach the major documents of our country. the Declaration of Independance gives us "certain inalienable rights" and the word inalienable is hard for my 8th graders to grasp. In a society that is constantly changing, they can not see that these are things that NOBODY can take away from you unless you give them away. Beth used that exact same word to describe what God has given us on page 238: "dignity and immeasurable value...when we finally accept those INALIENABLE truths...we discover authentic security" It really made me think if I have a right to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness", why can't I have a right to dignity and immeasurable value? I do, because no person on this earth can take it away from me! Praise Jesus for His kind revelation during this chapter :O)
Mary, thanks for opening this week. It touched my heart. You Girls amaze me with your openness, honesty and insight. Such good stuff you write and share.:) Just read yours, Beth...I like what you said about "when we finally accept those INALIENABLE truths...we discover authentic security" and your lead into it about your teaching of the Declaration of Independence. Yea! for the healing , securing strength of Christ and through Him we have the power to choose!
ReplyDelete~jean
What? It's not about ME? Isn't that the truth. This is the daily battle for me. Changing my thoughts to who it may be about instead of insisting on my way. I want more dignity and am certain that I know where I can find it.
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