Gulp!!! Was this as hard to swallow for you as it was for me? I have been reading your comments and the previous posts all seem to say you didn’t think you needed this study. Then upon reading the first few chapters, you realize you insecurity is in there somewhere, somehow.
Instability in the Home. Nope, not really mine. Although I came from divorced parents, my mom more than made up for that. I never felt awkward about my family situation.
A Significant Loss. Now this is the tough one!! The first page of chapter 5 Beth said “You’ve probably also marveled at a few people along the way who don’t seem to give insecurity the slightest shrug. Of course, you and I don’t tend to befriend them.” When I read this I thought about my best friend, Olga. She was one of these gals. The type that didn’t seem to let insecurity bother her. Although we were only 10 when we met, it was the best relationship I have ever had. She was killed in a car accident just before we both turned 17. This was devastating. “Each heart knows its own bitterness” (Proverbs 14:10). This is my bitterness. This turned me away from God and toward bad relationships, which led to the next points.
Rejection. Just bad choices from past loss, but also perception of rejection. I never thought about it that way and I was blown away by this on page 72. Amazing how a few sentences from Beth can hit me with a reality check.
Dramatic Change. Yeah, I know all about this as of late!! While I thank God in my prayers daily for where I am in life right now, I can’t help but go back to that significant loss. I can’t stop thinking about where my life would be if Olga were still alive. I do know that I would not be a mommy of two and a homemaker in Brady Nebraska!! You see Olga and I grew up in Las Vegas. It was just a different life I led when Olga was alive. Not bad, just different.
Personal Limitations. Selfishly I am thankful for the lack of insecurity in this root. I am thankful that with all the other issues I struggle with, this is not one of them. I am one of the ones Beth talks about. “Something one person finds almost debilitating might seem trivial to an observer.” (pg. 81). I don’t often see other’s personal limitations until I see them struggling with it.
Personal Disposition. Another insecurity I didn’t feel was really me, because I’m not sensitive like Beth. But the words she places on the page feel so much at home in my heart. It makes me realize that while I don’t deal the same way, I still struggle.
So much for not really needing this study, huh? So the help I got out of it? “…time heals. Mark my word. It’s God that heals. Time only tells.” (pg. 74). “If you’ve suffered a serious case of rejection, you need to make sure that you’re letting God tend to it.” (pg. 77). “As we keep digging around for the roots of insecurity, we’re going to find that most of them are intertwined underground.” (pg. 79).
What is the root of your insecurity? Did yours, like mine, seem to intertwine? When did you hit that realization that this study was just what you needed? Thanks for studying along with me!! You ladies are my inspiration (and some of my insecurities, :) I just know you are all thinking awful things about me). I’m so glad that some of you mention this thought in your comments. I now know I’m not the only one who thinks this way.
I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
Isaiah 41:9-10
(Post written by Ashley Margritz. Ashley is a mother of two, a scrapbooker, photographer and a friend from Sonrise Bible Study. We will miss you now that you live in Brady!)
Ashley ~ I love how you broke this chapter down. You did a great job of bringing it back to where you are in life right now. I am so sorry about your friend. Thanks for sharing about her.
ReplyDelete“Where is my insecurity rooted?” That was the question I pondered as I started reading this chapter. In reflecting over my life, there were a number of areas where I could see the potential for an insecure root. However, there were two areas that were very big to me: rejection and personal disposition.
I have certain insecurities that took root in rejection years ago when I was a child. Although I believe God has given me tremendous healing in this area, it hit me anew that I am dealing with this very root now. “We can confuse 80 percent reciprocation with 100 percent rejection.” (page 72) I have a friend whom I have been very close with over the past few years, but recently there has been distance between us. My head tells me it’s because we are both busy moms with busy schedules, so it is hard to connect. But my heart tells me, you aren’t worth liking, she’d rather be with her other friends, you’re a burden as a friend, you’re not worth befriending. I have wrestled with these thoughts and feelings for weeks now simply because this friend is not capable of giving me 100 percent of her time. (Sounds so selfish of me.)
Just a few nights ago as I lay in bed praying, I was asking God why I was in a season of life where I lacked authentic community. He immediately spoke to me through a verse in 2 Corinthians 1…”This is happening so you won’t rely on yourself (or your friends) but on God.” I was immediately at peace. Although that hasn’t stopped the lies from creeping in, it has given me a place to take refuge. It is just a season and God is drawing near to me during this time.
Page 77 says, “Let Him tell you you’re worth wanting, loving, even liking, pursuing, fighting for, and yes, beloved, keeping. Whatever you do, don’t reject the only One who is wholly incapable of rejecting you.” CLING to God! That is what this tells me. Remember that my value comes, not from the number of friends I have, but from the One who chose me.
Another area that really hit me was when Beth talked about our disposition. I have a tender heart. I feel everything deeply. I am passionate. I am sensitive. But I tend to disagree that being sensitive sets me up for being more insecure than those who do not have tender hearts. I think people who are not sensitive have the same chances of being insecure, they are just better at hiding it because they don’t wear their feelings on their sleeves. Just as I wish I could be more like them and hide my feelings at times, perhaps it is a source of insecurity for them that I am so free with my emotions. Food for thought.
Oh boy. Rejection, rejection, rejection. Totally the root of my insecurity. Temporary insanity? Been there. God's healing is the only thing that can help this. I'm so thankful that God has done major work in this area of my life but it still lingers around and is right under the surface at all times. Last fall my art show went terribly. I felt so rejected that I really haven't created much since. I now have more time and need to allow God to lead me through this since it was really hard to deal with the rejection, but honestly, I don't even know where to start. I want to use the gifts God has given me but I want it to be purposeful at the same time. I haven't found that balance yet and I'm fearful of trying again. Here's a verse I go back to regularly, "He heals the brokenhearted, and binds up their wounds" (Psalm 147:3). I love that!
ReplyDeleteI agree with you Cristina, I think sensitive or not, chances are the same for insecurity to creep in. I'm a passionate, crazy emotional mess and those around me can see it all over my face. I too wish I could hide what I'm feeling but, I just can't. When I'm hurt, all know.
Ladies, I sure appreciate your honesty! this was a really hard chapter for me. It made me realize that this insecurity thing has been rooted in one family decision back when I was in 7th grade! Ever since, Dramatic changes have been an active part of my life. in 7th grade, my family decided to join the ministry. now, that wasn't the hard part...it was the moving from everything I've ever known, big city life, to a small city out in the middle of no-where. It was a change that happened quickly (I still remember the night daddy told us, in November and by February or March we were moved)
ReplyDeleteSince that time, Jesus has constantly caused dramatic changes in my life...my first college roommate moved out within a week of starting my freshman year, my first calling to missions in Alaska happened in March and I was to report at the end of May...my student teaching semester ended without a job, and I had to decide to move home, and then got hired the friday before the monday school started in Oklahoma. that being said, Beth said it perfectly, my "security is easily threatened by anything unknown yet suddenly unavoidable" (page 79) I am not a negative person by any means, but I am constantly questioning now, "what is going to happen next?"
These changes without a doubt have all been fabulous and I've watched Jesus "open the floodgates of heaven" of blessings for my obedience, but I think that Satan has also made these changes to build a huge pot of insecurity in my life. I love what Beth wrote on page 80 though: "God is thoroughly committed to finishing the masterpiece He started in us, and the process means one major thing: change"
Alright Jesus, I'm ready, Bring on the change!
In an assortment of means God is speaking a unified message to me. God is Father. He loves me. He is for me. I can trust Him. His plan for me is good. He is intimately involved in my life. Easier written down on paper than translated on my heart.
ReplyDeleteWhen I read that a root of insecurity can be rooted in an "Unstable Home". It seemed like such a no brainer I was surprised at how the weight of it came down on me. Yes, "unstable home" is the big one for me. My father had bi-polar disorder. Our home was not peaceful and certainly not stable. I cried often. I was afraid often. "Each heart knows its own bitterness." Sometimes I think I should be over it now. But, I'm not. It is big but God is bigger.
I am feeling we should sit in a cozy circle in comfy chairs and talk. I appreciate hearing about your lives...past experiences can leave a print or mark on our insides or just stay in our heads for years. Thanks for sharing your personal stories. Ashly, you did a good job leading into all this and breaking down the points Beth discussed. Thanks for sharing about your dear friend, Olga.
ReplyDeleteLately I have been reminded about pride and I underlined "Until we sort the pride out of our insecurity, we can't in every sense of the saying, see the forest for the trees. Everybody's got a pride problem." In a couple cases lately, I (Jean)have had to say, Self get over it. Beth says and I agree "Pride is one of those roots that God can jerk up in a second."
Ahhhh, change!! Love all that you ladies are sharing!! Love how we can all be so opposite and yet we still feel the same! :) thanks for opening up and joining in on this.
ReplyDeleteI'm late again, but here goes:)
ReplyDeleteI must say I don't think of myself as having a tender heart until there is a situation that brings it to the surface. I do not like it when people are made at me or think that I wronged them in some way.
Jean I can also relate with pride rearing it's ugly head. I need to remind myself that it's not about me!
Karla, I can relate with the rejection. When we first moved to Kearney I tried to start consulting with organizations about working with people with disabilities, but no one was interested in my services. God took that rejection and lead me in a new direction with coupon classes and stewardship. Don't give up Karla, God will use you and your gifts.