Post No. 10, Chapters 17 and 18

Chapter 17, What are you afraid of? and Chapter 18, The Clean Escape

Wow, what a journey this has been and I'm so grateful to have interacted with all of you during this time. God has certainly been speaking to me often:)

I love Beth's simple Quick Start to security. Trust God. Two tiny words with enormous impact. How different I would feel and behave if I truly acted on those two words. The next question Beth asked really got me thinking...What frightens you? When you feel the insecurity creeping in it is normally driven by fear. I felt like I could identify with every fear she listed: proving stupid, rejection, anonymity, being alone, being unimportant, betrayal, being replaced, disrespect, being hurt, or a pain of any sort. The biggest fear in my life since becoming a stay at home mom is being unimportant. I loved my job and my work and the fact that people had questions for me and came to me for advice and answers. When I became a stay at home mom I still had people coming to me with questions and advice, but they are little so it's on a slightly different level:) I know that is why many times I find myself overcommitted to other activities...I fear being unimportant.

"Trusting God with yourself. With your husband. With your job. With your health. With your family. With your friends. With your threat" (pg 321). "Trusting God to never let our fears come to fruition doesn't get to the bottom of where insecurity lurks. It's too conditional." How many times have we asked God to not let something happen? I had never thought of this conditional trust before. I need to trust God period...because I know no matter what happens he will help me through it, so why fear things that have not occurred?

Beth's questions what are your fears and what if they happened? Did you take the time to think through this? I know one of my fears is losing my husband while our children are still young. So as morbid as it sounds, I took the time to think through what would I do if that happened? And while there would be a large period of grief, loss, sadness and anger I know that God would bring me through it and He has surrounded me with Christian women and friends who would be there for me and my family. I would be okay, because I trust God to see me through no matter what happens. That thought process brings me security, because that fear can no longer take hold of me.

I loved Ps 112:7-8 with "she" added:

[She] will have no fear of bad news; [her] heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. [Her] heart is secure, [she] will have no fear; in the end [she] will look in triumph on [her] foes.

She will have no fear of bad news...this woman does not live in fear of what is to come, but instead feels secure trusting in the Lord.

So, we have fears, what will God do if one of those fears comes to pass? Here is what the Bible says:

perfect everything that concerns you (Psalm 138:8)

work all things together for your good (Romans 8:28)

contend with those who contend with you (Isaiah 49:25)

fight this battle for you (2 Chronicles 20:15)

equip you with divine power (2 Chronicles 10:4)

delight to show you mercy (Micah 7:18)

meet all your needs according to My glorious riches in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19)

give you grace that is perfectly sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9)

be your power in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9)

do immeasurably more than all you could ask or imagine, according to the power that is at work within you (Ephesians 3:20)

Wow! How can we not be secure as Christian women if we believe all that the Bible says. Look dear sisters on how God works for you and with you!

Now, I don't know about you, but I thoroughly enjoyed the car wash story and could imagine myself in the same type of predicament:) I don't know about you, but I don't want to be driven any more by feelings of insecurity. Beth had some great questions to ask of ourselves: Am I doing this...or buying this...or saying this...or selling this out of any semblance of insecurity? I know I will be asking myself those questions and saying no to things that I may have said yes to in the past.

What a great time it has been this summer studying the Word with all of you from a distance. I pray that God has worked in your life through Beth's book, our discussions, and just by staying in His Word more regularly over the summer months as well. For those planning on coming back to Sonrise in the Fall I'm looking forward to being together again in person!

(This last post is written by Laura Ritterbush, wife, mother, the coupon queen of all coupon queens. She lives in Kearney and is involved in Sonrise Bible Study. I wish you all could meet her in person but she has a great blog about couponing!)

Post No. 9, Chapters 15 and 16

Chapter 15, Looking Out for Each Other

What a great chapter title! I like it…and so how can we start helping one another? Beth says and I so agree...that security can be contagious. Yes! And so let’s go for it.

Number 1- STOP MAKING COMPARISONS, We can admire a woman without subtracting from ourselves. We are going to start catching ourselves in the act of comparison and call ourselves out. Each of us is an original! (smile)

Number 2- START PERSONALIZING OTHER WOMEN, If we view potential contenders as equally broken people with real problems, pains, hopes, dreams and disappointments, we will have taken the first step toward unraveling a rivalry.

Number 3 –DON’T TRIP ANOTHER WOMAN’S INSECURITY SWITCH, Beth says when we can’t decide if our sensitivity is helping a friend or hurting them: the goal in our female relationships should be to encourage another’s security-not enable one another’s insecurity! If we simply help each other stay chronically insecure, we have accomplished nothing!

Number 4- WE MUST BE EXAMPLES OF SECURE WOMEN, Most women will never believe that a secure woman is a real, live possibility until they see one face- to-face. Problem-to-problem. Threat-to-threat. Chase-to-grace. We can each be an example in our sphere of influence. Don’t you love these thoughts? Each one of us created to be exceptional!

I was happy to see I had “accidently” chosen these two chapters to comment on…Chapter 15 was full of guidelines and good helps, to challenge us to move from insecurity to security… and I go for that! For only a little while, do I want to talk and think about the insecure parts of my life and then I want to be lifted and set free and see others set free. So, I like that Beth outlined some good steps for us to take to move forward to wholeness and freedom in our Lord and in our relationships.

My life has been blessed by exceptional women. Most I have met, through the years, in Bible study groups and in my church. The reason they are exceptional is because they know their Treasure is in Jesus Christ and their confidence is in Him. May we all say, “How lovely is your dwelling place, O LORD Almighty!”

Chapter 16, A Passion to Look Past Ourselves

This title is a challenge. How easy for me to fall into self absorption and so this made me examine my own heart over and over. I like Beth’s paragraph on page 310, “Christ, the Author of life more abundant, taught something totally different. He showed us that giving, rather than getting, is the means to receiving . …to find yourself, your true, secure self, you must lose yourself in something larger.” How easy it is for me to be comfortable, but yet I question the LORD /ask the LORD about “larger purpose” and at the same time hold back and resist.

It is so true as Beth says “we are surrounded by a superficial world making deceptive claims” and this can be a painful thought. O LORD, may I pursue a life of purpose. Show me the way to go.

~AS I close, DEAR BLOG GIRLS, I pray this for each of you, dear ones…LORD, guide them always; satisfy their needs in a sun scorched land and strengthen their frames. May each one be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Isaiah 58:11

Blessings to all,

Jean

(Jean Hueser is a wife, mother, and grandmother, who lives in Kearney, NE. Jean is a friend, mentor and so much more to me and many others. You see, for those who do not know, Jean is our rock star leader of our Sonrise Bible Study that has around 40 moms attending. She loves us each so individually and is a genuine example for us. With phone calls or just a "how are you?", she really cares. Thank you, Jean, for all you do.)

Post No. 8, Chapters 13 and 14

Chapter 13, The Power to Choose

We have a choice. We don't have to compete. Have you ever looked at a situation and thought, "well I don't really have a choice" or "no matter what I choose, I lose"? Isn't it refreshing to know that regardless of how difficult or impossible our circumstances may seem, we do get to choose and as long as we are following Christ we can't lose! Life is a constant continuum of following and leading, helping and being helped, climbing and coasting. I just love how straightforward and blunt Beth is and how well she accepts God's grace and shares it with everyone, believer and non-believer alike. On page 246 Beth writes, "God gave you your security, and nobody gets to force it from you. You must make up your mind that the only way someone cant take it from you is for you to hand it over. You have the right to hold on to security for dear life in every situation and every relationship. It's the power of choice." I can't help but praise God for the peace and strength that I can trust in because of His sacrifice and the love He has for me. The middle of this chapter was difficult for me to relate to at first. Yet as I read on, I realized that in so many relationships I am guilty of thinking of and acting in the same sense an emotional predator does. I was raised in the environment where you do what you are told and ask questions later. However, I don't especially remember grace and mercy being a part of this environment. I was convicted as I read this part of the chapter to remember this crucial factor when reacting with my kids. I am authority, however Jesus is my authority and he never uses aggression to influence a choice I need to make. My life is complete in Christ. My confidence is found nn Christ. Beth reminds us at the end of this chapter of the promise in Scripture, "Do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised." (Heb. 10:35-36).

Chapter 14, Can We Do It for Them?

Wow! This chapter hit home in so many ways. I read through the entire chapter nodding my head in agreement to nearly all the examples and personal testimony she talked about (as a mother, not a grandmother of course!). Nothing can prepare you for becoming a parent. There is something about holding a new child in your arms for the first time and realizing the unbelieveable potential you hold. Yet, holding a little girl was so much more emotional for me. I realized the responsibility and felt completely inadequate to teach a little girl the ways of being a godly woman. I remember the moment we laid eyes on our precious Grace. I knew Grace was a girl, but it was not confirmed until she was born. We tried unsuccessfully to find out ahead of time whether God would bless us with another boy or a baby girl. Nothing prepared me for the emotion of the moment. I was not a first time momma and I don't often feel the weight of emotion, but that day emotion was so overwhelming the weight of it felt like I had the wind knocked out of me. Witnessing the moments that touch our hearts are indescribable and nothing can replace the memory of my baby girl drawing her first breath. I thought nothing could rival the way that I felt that day. I was wrong. Recognizing the redemptive power of Jesus takes my breath away time after time. My past rears its ugly head and in those times, I must heed the words of the Lord and take these thoughts captive. I loved the statement Beth makes in this chapter explaining the difference of being called in contrast to being cured. What a picture of restoration and hope! I have undoubtedly been cured of so many things in my life and though I know I have a long way to go, I am anticipating the future with much expectation for what God has in store for me. At the end of this chapter, Beth says every middle school girl you pass is your daughter. She asks the questions, "What are you going to do about her? What would you be willing to do FOR her?" We are all daughters of the King. What was Christ willing to do FOR me? There's nothing he wouldn't do for me. Not even separation from His Father stopped Him from coming to this world to be scrutinized, betrayed and ulitmately dying to save my life. What would you do for your daughter? "It's time we girls helped each other out."

(This post was written by Amber Kimball, friend of Sonrise Bible Study. She lives in Kearney where she is active in MOPS and a friend to many).

Post No. 7, Chapter 12

Chapter 12 Through the Eyes of the Guys

I have always known that insecurity was one of my biggest weaknesses. Maybe not on how I looked but my constant obsession on what people are thinking about me.

Well, as I sit at the computer to write this week’s blog I have several thoughts going through my head. Most of them ironically are about what the people reading it will think about what I have to say. Will you like it? Will what I have to say challenge you? Even dare I ask “impress you”? You know I want to come across as an intelligent spiritually mature person. And, that my friend, is the very reason why I am personally reading this book. Because the devil keeps gnawing at me that it is all about ME! What do you think of ME? Would you like to hang out with ME? And the list can go on and on and well…. You get the picture. I am constantly concerned about what people are thinking about ME! Truth be told I have a hard long list of things I need to work on and change about myself (yes, an actual list). Things like be more gentle and love everyone no matter how annoying they can be. Well those are all great things, however, I can not work on them until I can love and accept myself the way God does. It’s just that plain and simple.

All my life I have desperately wanted and needed the interest and attention of men. Clothes, hair, makeup, teasing, flirting, inappropriate relationships, trying to be more quiet and gentle, bashing other girls, even acting like I didn’t care what anybody thought about me… All were ways I tried to impress the opposite sex. Rarely (if ever) did it work. I was left with wounds and damage that nobody but Jesus could heal. Little did I know (and I am still working on) that the very things I was trying to do to impress them, they were onto me and I was doing the complete opposite of my original intentions. “Insecurities repel men.”

Why do we put so much emphasis on what they think of us? Why do we try so hard and put so much effort into their approval? My logic knows the answer and it is just not communicating with my heart. It is a constant battle. And like many of the men Beth talks about in this chapter, my husband hates it too. My husband’s number one desire for me is to stop being so hard on myself. Stop assuming that what people think of me is the worst. This is not what I want for myself and this is not what my husband needs to be worrying about either. I have got to put this behind me now. It is not about ME. It is about the love of our Savior and His approval. How HE sees our greatest qualities. How HE chooses to throw away our faults. He is jealous for me. Loves like a hurricane; I am a tree bending beneath the waves of His wind and mercy. Oh, how HE loves us!

(This post is written by Mary Schanbacher, a new friend from Sonrise Bible study. She's loves music and I love that she included lyrics in her post...she really is that cool.)

Post No. 6, Chapters 10 and 11

Chapter 10, Neither Gods Nor Devils

2 Corinthians 5:15, “And He died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for Him who for their sake was died and was raised.”

I have been thinking about this verse for quite a while now. It has become so meaningful to me because it communicates hope to be free from self consciousness and selfishness. Jesus died to save me from living for myself. I can be free from insecurity, always fearing what others think about me and hoping I am good enough. And, I can be free from living for men who are neither gods nor devils. Men are real people with stories and real pain.

It seems like I have often wanted to blame my sins and struggles on others or circumstances outside of myself and beyond my control. My father had bi-polar disorder. I labeled him a devil. I had myself convinced that he was the problem in our family and the reason behind many of my sins. If my father had been “normal” I believed I wouldn't have struggled with my temper, self image, or fear. I was really a great girl trapped with a messed up dad. Women work hard and hold things together. Bad men are lazy and mean and we would fare better without them. Someday my life would be different. I would not marry a devil.

Flip flop to college and meeting my wonderful husband, Alex Brodine. He was a dream come true and I made him a god. Now I would be a “good wife” and have a “good family”. Now I would be valuable because a god loved me. It only took a short time to crash against the rocks of reality. Alex is a man. I am a woman. My temper didn't lay down and die on the day I married Alex. My fears didn't magically dissipate in my knight's presence. My self image wasn't healed the day I became Mrs. Brodine. I am still me. Jesus loves me. He died to free me from myself.

Chapter 11, Eating From the Wrong Tree

Don't you wish Eve wouldn't have listened to the serpent? I've tried to convince myself that I would've made a better choice. But, down in my heart I know that I wouldn't have. I too think I can handle knowledge and power. I would rather know and choose for myself than trust and obey. Too many times I try to play God in my home. But, there is only one omniscient and omnipotent one. And, He is trustworthy. He has a plan. I don't know everything and I certainly cannot make everyone do what I think they should do. Phew! That's a load off.

This chapter probes the emotional health of my relationships. How much do I need to know? Why do I need to know? What do I do with what I know? When was the last time I put myself in charge of fixing his/her problem?

On page 210 Beth writes, “I believe our greatest challenge as women is to avoid trying to control someone toward what we're genuinely convinced is a better life. The more insecure we are, the more tempting it is because something is in it for us, too. In other words, if my loved one would ________________________, then I'd be ____________________. The more blanks you can fill in, the more conditional your security and the more it is associated with flesh and blood.”

I've wanted to be a “good wife” and a “good mother”. This is egocentric and self centered. I have believed that some of my job as a mother was to force obedience. My image has been wrapped up in the behavior and appearance of my children. Too often my discipline has been about me and not about the good of my children. God is redirecting me to love. He wants me to rest in His love for me. And, to rest in His love for my children. My value is not based on my performance as a wife and mother. It is because of His love for me and His love for His son.

(This post is written by Beth Brodine, Pastor's wife, mother of 4 plus 1 and a sweet friend of many in Kearney. They just returned from Taiwan where they adopted a baby girl! God is so good, girlfriends! She lives in Holdrege, NE.)

Post No. 5, Chapters 8 and 9

Chapter 8, A Beautiful Prize Called Dignity

"We have dignity precisely because God himself gave it to us, His prized creation." (page 159) and "Insecurity is about losing our God-given identity." (page 148) So God has given us an identity but we allow insecurity to take it from us. What can we do about it? Start by identifying the triggers that lead to destructive habits.

For me, one of my triggers is exhaustion. I've learned that when I am exhausted, I am more likely to give in to insecurity by acting poorly. Now I can't always control how tired I get, but I can control how I respond when I am tired. I've always thought that I was doing good when I stopped reacting to insecurity the way the enemy wanted me to. But that wasn't enough because I had not begun to react the way that God wanted me to. (page 151) I love how Beth walked us through Scripture to claim dignity (and other promises)
that are rightfully ours. That is the response Christ wants to see in us. "Scriptural covering" is key, which is why it is so important to have Bible verses memorized.

This chapter made me think about what I clothe myself with on a daily basis. Am I choosing the things of Christ or the things of this world? Do my words and actions show that the love of Christ is my adornment? I loved the reminder that Christ is the beauty of my life and that I have a covering in Scripture.

Chapter 8 is written by Cristina Wright, a wife, mother of two, card designer, and a dear friend of mine (Karla Steele) since we met, I can't believe, 13 years ago! She lives in Colorado Springs, CO.

Chapter 9, A Time and Place to Heal

I am much more a do-er than a say-er. I like to see action and not all talk, so I was quite excited about this chapter. I have loved all the insight so far, but I was getting a little anxious about application!

A large portion of this chapter is prayer, so I thought I would share with you all the prayer I re-wrote for myself with the help of the one she gave us.

Lord Jesus,

Thank you for all you've blessed me with. You know what I need when I need it. Only You can provide the things that I need to become the person you made me to be. You know when I've went to the wrong places and people for things that only you can give me. I am willing to do whatever I need to fully rely on You.

You know what motivates me and what shuts me down. You know that I have fears deep down. I am afraid that I will someday lose everyone and I sulk in that fear so much that I lose the joy of living now. You have not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a stable mind. Your desire is for me to be free of those fears and to live a healthy, joyful life. I am in awe of your love, thoughtfulness, and all knowing power.

You know me better than I know myself. What makes me worry, what makes me sad, angry, excited, happy. You know every ugly thought that I've ever had or ridiculous thing that I've ever done. I wish I could know myself as you know me. Why am I happy one minute and stressed out the next? Lord, you've given me my emotions. Help me to manage them and use them for your service.

Forgive me for being selfish and not loving purely and without strings. Forgive me for not forgiving and forgetting as You have shown me to forgive.

Help me to be aware of people and situations that make me insecure. Help me to not put my belief in man, but in You. You are always with me. I have too many expectations of people. Help me not to be wounded by these let downs.

When my life changes, help me to cling to You. No panicking or fighting for control. Just trusting in You.

I thank you for the way you made me and the home I was brought up in. I thank you for a God fearing husband and a wonderful family. I thank you for strong Christian women that have stepped into my life. Help me to minister to them as they have to me.

Clothe me today with strength and dignity. Transform me. Make me courageous in a scary confusing world.

Give me discernment and wisdom. Make me a woman that Alyssa and Amaya will follow to become women of security. I make this vow, this day to deliberately receive and keep receiving Your will for my life.

In Your Name,

Amen.

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he ears us. And if we know that he hears us--whatever we ask--we know that we have what we asked of him. I John 5:14-15

(Chapter 9 is written by Angie Thompson, a wife, mother, Pastor's wife, and friend from Sonrise Bible Study. Angie lives in Kearney, NE.)

Post No. 4, Chapters 6 and 7

Chapter 6

First, let me say that I underlined nearly every sentence in this chapter!! I love how our gentle and loving God can use the most gentle and loving ways to SMACK ME UPSIDE THE HEAD WITH A BASEBALL BAT!! Yes, I too thought this book would be good, but what else can she possibly say?? I know I have some insecurities...why revel in it?? However, that has proven not to be the case once again w/ our beloved Beth. :)

I appreciate how she reminds us of the constant daily assault that is geared towards us in regards to the media saturated culture we live in. I don't know about you, but it can sneak up on me without my knowledge over and over. Why am I feeling unworthy, unloved, lonely, not pretty, bored, overwhelmed, inefficient, etc... Well, what am I listening too? What am I setting myself up against? What am I watching or what conversations am I engaging in? I've said many times about our foremothers, "If they can do it, so can I!" Meaning, if they can get up at 5am, wash clothes by hand, have a spotless house, fix 3 full-blown meals a day, tend to a meticulously clean garden, quilt a family heirloom, raise children, and love her man all while nursing a baby somewhere in there, why can't I??

Well, as Beth states our foremothers didn't live with the media madness and constant sensual assault that we are faced w/ on a day to day or hour to hour basis. They also weren't running their kids to and fro all day long or working outside the home or volunteering. We live in a completely different culture, which is attempting to demand different expectations from us than our ancestors. On page 92, Beth says that we don't just "get to feel inferior to a few women in our circle, we get to feel inferior to thousands" thanks to media access. She says it is up to us to change the way we react to media influence and let me add...peer influence. I love the bottom paragraph on page 97 where she talks about learning to discern between hyped media images and real womanhood, there is so much truth there.

As I mentioned earlier...what do we allow to feed our minds and souls? As Ron Brown says, "are you feeding flesh dog or spirit dog? whichever is getting more "food" is what is gonna win out." She mentions that we need to be intentional about what we allow in our hearts and minds. On page 99, she goes a bit further saying we need to start looking for ways in which we set ourselves up for failure. For me, that is one of the reasons I don't exercise at a public health club. I don't need the visual stimulation of looking at another man work-out and I also don't need the competition it brings out in me with other women...either in what they can do or how they are dressed. Just me...don't need it...so I don't do it. Like Beth says, "learn what you can handle and what you can't".

Pride

Ooohh, I just hate that nasty "friend"! This one is all about the ego. On the bottom of 101, she says, "I have come to the conclusion that we have no greater burden in all of life than our own inflated egos" She also says how we are all so desperate for significance...screaming "somebody notice me!" Hear is the good part though, Beth says that is exactly how God made us! And you know what? that is freeing to me. Sometimes I can get so down on myself for feeling various emotions that I forget that God made my emotions!! It is only through Him that I can keep them in perspective. He is the reason we are here and He is the one that puts that desire to be known in our hearts...desire to be known by Him. Honestly, can anything else compete? Why do we let it? I think I underlined nearly every sentence from 104 to the end of the chapter. In summary, be aware of our pride and humble ourselves before the Lord and allow him to free us and not the world. At the end of the chapter she says, "our culture's reordered values have cheated us of the right to repentance and sublime restoration" "A clear heart and a clean path are still only one sincere confession away." Amen

Chapter 7

Don't Let It Fool You

What better way to describe insecurity..."unchecked and unhealed, it makes an idiot out of us over and over" SMACK!!

There were many stories in this chapter that I could relate too...you??? When I was younger, I used to be so insecure in my friendships that I deliberately sabotaged many of them to avoid being the one hurt first. I have regretted my actions many times over the years. Thankfully, I was able to ask for forgiveness in one of them and was forgiven. It was very healing for us both even after 20 years!! I used to do the same things in male relationships...let them in a bit and then slam the door in their face. I didn't see it in my teenage years, but it was due to my own deep insecurities. Thankfully, the Lord has healed me of those particular insecurities, but I still regret my actions b/c I hurt a lot of people including myself.

I"m sure we can all relate to one story or another in this chapter, but I wanted to point out a major comment she made on page 125. She says that we need to stay in relationships w/ lots of transparency...meaning we need someone who will tell us truth to keep us from becoming the idiot of the month. But...we also need to be willing to tell the truth. Are you struggling w/ something secretly b/c you are too embarrassed to admit it?? Been there!! It was very hard for me b/c as a rule, I am a pretty private person, but this issue was beginning to consume me. I heard someone say, I think it was Charles Stanley, that when something feels bigger than God, it is a direct spiritual attack. Whew, I was feeling it big time. I confessed it to my inner circle of girlfriends, and immediately, the darkness had been exposed. I still struggled, but I knew that God was with me and would walk me through it and without shame and He did. I love that God wants to restore and redeem, I love even the words.

In closing, "He knows we have the capacity to be astoundingly extraordinary, and not just in spite of where we've been, but because of it."

(Post written by Mandy King, a dear friend from Sonrise Bible Study. Mandy is a mother of 4, lives in Kearney, and such a joy.)