Post No. 6, Chapters 10 and 11

Chapter 10, Neither Gods Nor Devils

2 Corinthians 5:15, “And He died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for Him who for their sake was died and was raised.”

I have been thinking about this verse for quite a while now. It has become so meaningful to me because it communicates hope to be free from self consciousness and selfishness. Jesus died to save me from living for myself. I can be free from insecurity, always fearing what others think about me and hoping I am good enough. And, I can be free from living for men who are neither gods nor devils. Men are real people with stories and real pain.

It seems like I have often wanted to blame my sins and struggles on others or circumstances outside of myself and beyond my control. My father had bi-polar disorder. I labeled him a devil. I had myself convinced that he was the problem in our family and the reason behind many of my sins. If my father had been “normal” I believed I wouldn't have struggled with my temper, self image, or fear. I was really a great girl trapped with a messed up dad. Women work hard and hold things together. Bad men are lazy and mean and we would fare better without them. Someday my life would be different. I would not marry a devil.

Flip flop to college and meeting my wonderful husband, Alex Brodine. He was a dream come true and I made him a god. Now I would be a “good wife” and have a “good family”. Now I would be valuable because a god loved me. It only took a short time to crash against the rocks of reality. Alex is a man. I am a woman. My temper didn't lay down and die on the day I married Alex. My fears didn't magically dissipate in my knight's presence. My self image wasn't healed the day I became Mrs. Brodine. I am still me. Jesus loves me. He died to free me from myself.

Chapter 11, Eating From the Wrong Tree

Don't you wish Eve wouldn't have listened to the serpent? I've tried to convince myself that I would've made a better choice. But, down in my heart I know that I wouldn't have. I too think I can handle knowledge and power. I would rather know and choose for myself than trust and obey. Too many times I try to play God in my home. But, there is only one omniscient and omnipotent one. And, He is trustworthy. He has a plan. I don't know everything and I certainly cannot make everyone do what I think they should do. Phew! That's a load off.

This chapter probes the emotional health of my relationships. How much do I need to know? Why do I need to know? What do I do with what I know? When was the last time I put myself in charge of fixing his/her problem?

On page 210 Beth writes, “I believe our greatest challenge as women is to avoid trying to control someone toward what we're genuinely convinced is a better life. The more insecure we are, the more tempting it is because something is in it for us, too. In other words, if my loved one would ________________________, then I'd be ____________________. The more blanks you can fill in, the more conditional your security and the more it is associated with flesh and blood.”

I've wanted to be a “good wife” and a “good mother”. This is egocentric and self centered. I have believed that some of my job as a mother was to force obedience. My image has been wrapped up in the behavior and appearance of my children. Too often my discipline has been about me and not about the good of my children. God is redirecting me to love. He wants me to rest in His love for me. And, to rest in His love for my children. My value is not based on my performance as a wife and mother. It is because of His love for me and His love for His son.

(This post is written by Beth Brodine, Pastor's wife, mother of 4 plus 1 and a sweet friend of many in Kearney. They just returned from Taiwan where they adopted a baby girl! God is so good, girlfriends! She lives in Holdrege, NE.)

Post No. 5, Chapters 8 and 9

Chapter 8, A Beautiful Prize Called Dignity

"We have dignity precisely because God himself gave it to us, His prized creation." (page 159) and "Insecurity is about losing our God-given identity." (page 148) So God has given us an identity but we allow insecurity to take it from us. What can we do about it? Start by identifying the triggers that lead to destructive habits.

For me, one of my triggers is exhaustion. I've learned that when I am exhausted, I am more likely to give in to insecurity by acting poorly. Now I can't always control how tired I get, but I can control how I respond when I am tired. I've always thought that I was doing good when I stopped reacting to insecurity the way the enemy wanted me to. But that wasn't enough because I had not begun to react the way that God wanted me to. (page 151) I love how Beth walked us through Scripture to claim dignity (and other promises)
that are rightfully ours. That is the response Christ wants to see in us. "Scriptural covering" is key, which is why it is so important to have Bible verses memorized.

This chapter made me think about what I clothe myself with on a daily basis. Am I choosing the things of Christ or the things of this world? Do my words and actions show that the love of Christ is my adornment? I loved the reminder that Christ is the beauty of my life and that I have a covering in Scripture.

Chapter 8 is written by Cristina Wright, a wife, mother of two, card designer, and a dear friend of mine (Karla Steele) since we met, I can't believe, 13 years ago! She lives in Colorado Springs, CO.

Chapter 9, A Time and Place to Heal

I am much more a do-er than a say-er. I like to see action and not all talk, so I was quite excited about this chapter. I have loved all the insight so far, but I was getting a little anxious about application!

A large portion of this chapter is prayer, so I thought I would share with you all the prayer I re-wrote for myself with the help of the one she gave us.

Lord Jesus,

Thank you for all you've blessed me with. You know what I need when I need it. Only You can provide the things that I need to become the person you made me to be. You know when I've went to the wrong places and people for things that only you can give me. I am willing to do whatever I need to fully rely on You.

You know what motivates me and what shuts me down. You know that I have fears deep down. I am afraid that I will someday lose everyone and I sulk in that fear so much that I lose the joy of living now. You have not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a stable mind. Your desire is for me to be free of those fears and to live a healthy, joyful life. I am in awe of your love, thoughtfulness, and all knowing power.

You know me better than I know myself. What makes me worry, what makes me sad, angry, excited, happy. You know every ugly thought that I've ever had or ridiculous thing that I've ever done. I wish I could know myself as you know me. Why am I happy one minute and stressed out the next? Lord, you've given me my emotions. Help me to manage them and use them for your service.

Forgive me for being selfish and not loving purely and without strings. Forgive me for not forgiving and forgetting as You have shown me to forgive.

Help me to be aware of people and situations that make me insecure. Help me to not put my belief in man, but in You. You are always with me. I have too many expectations of people. Help me not to be wounded by these let downs.

When my life changes, help me to cling to You. No panicking or fighting for control. Just trusting in You.

I thank you for the way you made me and the home I was brought up in. I thank you for a God fearing husband and a wonderful family. I thank you for strong Christian women that have stepped into my life. Help me to minister to them as they have to me.

Clothe me today with strength and dignity. Transform me. Make me courageous in a scary confusing world.

Give me discernment and wisdom. Make me a woman that Alyssa and Amaya will follow to become women of security. I make this vow, this day to deliberately receive and keep receiving Your will for my life.

In Your Name,

Amen.

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he ears us. And if we know that he hears us--whatever we ask--we know that we have what we asked of him. I John 5:14-15

(Chapter 9 is written by Angie Thompson, a wife, mother, Pastor's wife, and friend from Sonrise Bible Study. Angie lives in Kearney, NE.)

Post No. 4, Chapters 6 and 7

Chapter 6

First, let me say that I underlined nearly every sentence in this chapter!! I love how our gentle and loving God can use the most gentle and loving ways to SMACK ME UPSIDE THE HEAD WITH A BASEBALL BAT!! Yes, I too thought this book would be good, but what else can she possibly say?? I know I have some insecurities...why revel in it?? However, that has proven not to be the case once again w/ our beloved Beth. :)

I appreciate how she reminds us of the constant daily assault that is geared towards us in regards to the media saturated culture we live in. I don't know about you, but it can sneak up on me without my knowledge over and over. Why am I feeling unworthy, unloved, lonely, not pretty, bored, overwhelmed, inefficient, etc... Well, what am I listening too? What am I setting myself up against? What am I watching or what conversations am I engaging in? I've said many times about our foremothers, "If they can do it, so can I!" Meaning, if they can get up at 5am, wash clothes by hand, have a spotless house, fix 3 full-blown meals a day, tend to a meticulously clean garden, quilt a family heirloom, raise children, and love her man all while nursing a baby somewhere in there, why can't I??

Well, as Beth states our foremothers didn't live with the media madness and constant sensual assault that we are faced w/ on a day to day or hour to hour basis. They also weren't running their kids to and fro all day long or working outside the home or volunteering. We live in a completely different culture, which is attempting to demand different expectations from us than our ancestors. On page 92, Beth says that we don't just "get to feel inferior to a few women in our circle, we get to feel inferior to thousands" thanks to media access. She says it is up to us to change the way we react to media influence and let me add...peer influence. I love the bottom paragraph on page 97 where she talks about learning to discern between hyped media images and real womanhood, there is so much truth there.

As I mentioned earlier...what do we allow to feed our minds and souls? As Ron Brown says, "are you feeding flesh dog or spirit dog? whichever is getting more "food" is what is gonna win out." She mentions that we need to be intentional about what we allow in our hearts and minds. On page 99, she goes a bit further saying we need to start looking for ways in which we set ourselves up for failure. For me, that is one of the reasons I don't exercise at a public health club. I don't need the visual stimulation of looking at another man work-out and I also don't need the competition it brings out in me with other women...either in what they can do or how they are dressed. Just me...don't need it...so I don't do it. Like Beth says, "learn what you can handle and what you can't".

Pride

Ooohh, I just hate that nasty "friend"! This one is all about the ego. On the bottom of 101, she says, "I have come to the conclusion that we have no greater burden in all of life than our own inflated egos" She also says how we are all so desperate for significance...screaming "somebody notice me!" Hear is the good part though, Beth says that is exactly how God made us! And you know what? that is freeing to me. Sometimes I can get so down on myself for feeling various emotions that I forget that God made my emotions!! It is only through Him that I can keep them in perspective. He is the reason we are here and He is the one that puts that desire to be known in our hearts...desire to be known by Him. Honestly, can anything else compete? Why do we let it? I think I underlined nearly every sentence from 104 to the end of the chapter. In summary, be aware of our pride and humble ourselves before the Lord and allow him to free us and not the world. At the end of the chapter she says, "our culture's reordered values have cheated us of the right to repentance and sublime restoration" "A clear heart and a clean path are still only one sincere confession away." Amen

Chapter 7

Don't Let It Fool You

What better way to describe insecurity..."unchecked and unhealed, it makes an idiot out of us over and over" SMACK!!

There were many stories in this chapter that I could relate too...you??? When I was younger, I used to be so insecure in my friendships that I deliberately sabotaged many of them to avoid being the one hurt first. I have regretted my actions many times over the years. Thankfully, I was able to ask for forgiveness in one of them and was forgiven. It was very healing for us both even after 20 years!! I used to do the same things in male relationships...let them in a bit and then slam the door in their face. I didn't see it in my teenage years, but it was due to my own deep insecurities. Thankfully, the Lord has healed me of those particular insecurities, but I still regret my actions b/c I hurt a lot of people including myself.

I"m sure we can all relate to one story or another in this chapter, but I wanted to point out a major comment she made on page 125. She says that we need to stay in relationships w/ lots of transparency...meaning we need someone who will tell us truth to keep us from becoming the idiot of the month. But...we also need to be willing to tell the truth. Are you struggling w/ something secretly b/c you are too embarrassed to admit it?? Been there!! It was very hard for me b/c as a rule, I am a pretty private person, but this issue was beginning to consume me. I heard someone say, I think it was Charles Stanley, that when something feels bigger than God, it is a direct spiritual attack. Whew, I was feeling it big time. I confessed it to my inner circle of girlfriends, and immediately, the darkness had been exposed. I still struggled, but I knew that God was with me and would walk me through it and without shame and He did. I love that God wants to restore and redeem, I love even the words.

In closing, "He knows we have the capacity to be astoundingly extraordinary, and not just in spite of where we've been, but because of it."

(Post written by Mandy King, a dear friend from Sonrise Bible Study. Mandy is a mother of 4, lives in Kearney, and such a joy.)

Post No. 3, Chapter 5, Rooting It Out

Gulp!!! Was this as hard to swallow for you as it was for me? I have been reading your comments and the previous posts all seem to say you didn’t think you needed this study. Then upon reading the first few chapters, you realize you insecurity is in there somewhere, somehow.

Instability in the Home. Nope, not really mine. Although I came from divorced parents, my mom more than made up for that. I never felt awkward about my family situation.

A Significant Loss. Now this is the tough one!! The first page of chapter 5 Beth said “You’ve probably also marveled at a few people along the way who don’t seem to give insecurity the slightest shrug. Of course, you and I don’t tend to befriend them.” When I read this I thought about my best friend, Olga. She was one of these gals. The type that didn’t seem to let insecurity bother her. Although we were only 10 when we met, it was the best relationship I have ever had. She was killed in a car accident just before we both turned 17. This was devastating. “Each heart knows its own bitterness” (Proverbs 14:10). This is my bitterness. This turned me away from God and toward bad relationships, which led to the next points.

Rejection. Just bad choices from past loss, but also perception of rejection. I never thought about it that way and I was blown away by this on page 72. Amazing how a few sentences from Beth can hit me with a reality check.

Dramatic Change. Yeah, I know all about this as of late!! While I thank God in my prayers daily for where I am in life right now, I can’t help but go back to that significant loss. I can’t stop thinking about where my life would be if Olga were still alive. I do know that I would not be a mommy of two and a homemaker in Brady Nebraska!! You see Olga and I grew up in Las Vegas. It was just a different life I led when Olga was alive. Not bad, just different.

Personal Limitations. Selfishly I am thankful for the lack of insecurity in this root. I am thankful that with all the other issues I struggle with, this is not one of them. I am one of the ones Beth talks about. “Something one person finds almost debilitating might seem trivial to an observer.” (pg. 81). I don’t often see other’s personal limitations until I see them struggling with it.

Personal Disposition. Another insecurity I didn’t feel was really me, because I’m not sensitive like Beth. But the words she places on the page feel so much at home in my heart. It makes me realize that while I don’t deal the same way, I still struggle.

So much for not really needing this study, huh? So the help I got out of it? “…time heals. Mark my word. It’s God that heals. Time only tells.” (pg. 74). “If you’ve suffered a serious case of rejection, you need to make sure that you’re letting God tend to it.” (pg. 77). “As we keep digging around for the roots of insecurity, we’re going to find that most of them are intertwined underground.” (pg. 79).

What is the root of your insecurity? Did yours, like mine, seem to intertwine? When did you hit that realization that this study was just what you needed? Thanks for studying along with me!! You ladies are my inspiration (and some of my insecurities, :) I just know you are all thinking awful things about me). I’m so glad that some of you mention this thought in your comments. I now know I’m not the only one who thinks this way.

I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

Isaiah 41:9-10

(Post written by Ashley Margritz. Ashley is a mother of two, a scrapbooker, photographer and a friend from Sonrise Bible Study. We will miss you now that you live in Brady!)